A man is jogging through the woods.
He comes up on a clearing where he sees a figure and as he gets closer, he realizes it is a seriously ugly witch. On her right shoulder sits an equally ugly crow.
When he is about to run past her, the witch immediately addresses him: “If you can correctly name the animal on my shoulder, you can bang me!”
Not exactly enthusiastic about the prospect of having to bang an ugly witch, the man thinks for a few minutes to find the most unlikely answer he can think of, then exclaims: “Octopus.”
The witch smiles and says: “OK, I will just barely allow that as a correct answer…”

When I was bar tending I would tell people this was the worst joke they’ll ever hear that will still make them laugh. I always just called it. “Grandma”
A boy comes home from school one day skipping football practice cuz he isn’t feeling well.
When he gets home he grabs a snack and sits down to watch some TV.
During the show he hears some noises coming from his parents room.
His parents not being home at that time normally he walks down the hall to see what’s going on.
He Opens the door. Only to find his dad, banging his mom. Got her bent over the dresser.
The Boy gasps and the father turns around and yells. “Get out of here son!!!”
Traumatized the boy leaves the room and the mother and father struggle to put their clothes on chuckling nervously.
Later that night. The father is watching the game. Having a few beers. And he hears some loud Ruckus coming from down by his sons room.
So, he walks down the hallway, opens the door to his sons room.....
Only to find his boy banging his Grandma, got her bent over the dresser.
The dad gasps!!!!
The son turns around and says. “It’s not so funny when it’s your mom!!!”

orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets em. ( also I banged ya mum ;) )

The Big Bang Theory: 10 Best Science Jokes Everyone Will Understand.

Though The Big Bang Theory could make science jokes that went over many people's heads, there are plenty that we can all appreciate.

10 Comedy Movies To Watch If You Loved The Big Bang Theory.
Heck, half the time Sheldon is being snarky about the fact that Howard is ‘only’ a brilliant engineer. As expected, then, a lot of the show’s jokes fall into the ‘they’re using absurd jargon for laughs’ category. Even so, though, some of the show’s science-centric humor does make perfect sense for viewers without MENSA memberships. Here are some of the funniest examples.

I'm just looking for A person to be sexual with.

Zombies are categorically asexual.

so it would do itself.
Did you hear about the broken, asexual light bulb?

You call them bi their name.
What do you call an asexual gravedigger?

I told him, it was "A-Okay."
An asexual lawyer

You can't. They ain't fuckin' anywhere.

an ace attorney
I just found I'm asexual...

as they are more interested in taking head than giving head.
What do you call someone exclusively attracted to college professors?

I love that one. If I ever go to a pirate-themed party I'm going as a pirate in the ace colours, whether I'm out or not.

"What, do you have an ace up your sleeve?
"I am an ace up my sleeve!"

I'm not taking it hard.
I came out to my girlfriend as a hetroromantic asexual.

She said I could work on the romantic part.
Where can you find an asexual person?

One of them starts to explain the rules and then he pauses and says
I would say no cheating but there's already five aces at the table
I wouldn't call my marriage a sexual marriage