A man is jogging through the woods.
He comes up on a clearing where he sees a figure and as he gets closer, he realizes it is a seriously ugly witch. On her right shoulder sits an equally ugly crow.
When he is about to run past her, the witch immediately addresses him: “If you can correctly name the animal on my shoulder, you can bang me!”
Not exactly enthusiastic about the prospect of having to bang an ugly witch, the man thinks for a few minutes to find the most unlikely answer he can think of, then exclaims: “Octopus.”
The witch smiles and says: “OK, I will just barely allow that as a correct answer…”
Three men apply for a spy position
Its the final test
Interviewer: "I have your SO in this room. Your mission is to kill them. Here's a gun."
First candidate: " You can't be serious?"
Interviewer: " Then this job is not for you."
Second candidate comes out 5 minutes later: "I can't do this."
Interviewer hears shots fired, screaming and banging in the last room.
Last candidate: "The gun just had blanks. I had to beat her with the chair."