They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What's the difference between sin and shame? It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."
Pornography is what's going to save the 3D television market. The only thing we'll have to watch out for is the money shot. "Ahh did it get in my hair?"
What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father, “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?”
The father replies, “Making a baby.”The little boy says, “Can you turn mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!
What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas!
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
Sex is like air; its not important unless you arent getting any.
Have a girl that everyone else dreams about, but don't dream about a girl that everyone else has.
Your blow up date saw you naked, and self deflated.
'd like to think inside your box.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come... Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Life is like oral sex, one slip of the tongue and you're in the shit.
Masturbating is wrong in some people's eyes... Also, it burns.
There's something actionable in your pants.
Why did the prostitute retire? She screwed up!
If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love?
Hot single grannies in your area want you to look at how tall you've gotten.
A good bar is like a good woman - liquor in the front and poker in the back.
“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.
Sex jokes 2020: That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror. A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. A little boy and his father are walking down the street, and they see two dogs having sex.