Sex jokes - During sex

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!

What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a ‘quickie’ but you do it yourself.

One day Pebbles Flintstone got scared and hopped in bed with Wilma and Fred.
She looked under the covers on Wilma's side and asked what that was and Wilma said well Pebbles thas my rock.
After that Pebbles looked on Fred's side and asked what that thing was down there and Fred replied thats my rock grinder.
So Pebbles layed there for a few minutes then sat up and said so mommy puts her rock in daddy's rock grinder and out pops PEBBLES! ! ! !

Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave
A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature ejaculation.
"Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man.
"No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span" replied the doctor.

I tried some of that aphrodisiac rhino horn.
Now I’ve got an overwhelming desire to charge at Land Rovers.

A Lalu originally from Bihar now in USA went to India and brought a physiologically checked out virgin from a small happy town as wife.
Ideal Lalu decided to have first night in USA.
He prepared her, took their all clothes off and was ready to penetrate for intercourse and young bride stopped him.
"What are you trying to do," she asked.
Lalu explained the spousal sex.
The bride said, "In that case try my back hole it will be lots of fun for you."

The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’
The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’

‘He had ambitions at one time to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.’

Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

What did the Irish spinster keep saying in her prayers?
‘Good Lord, please have Murphy on me…’

Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?

But the 21-year-old financial administrator ended up in a collision of a very different kind to the one she intended.
Chloé, from Hinckley, Leicestershire, admitted rear-ending another driver on a roundabout.
She posted a picture of her £6k motor showing extensive damage to the front.
She took to Twitter on Saturday, writing: “Started driving to my ex's house to s**g him and ended up crashing my car.
"That’s one way for the universe to tell me I’m making a mistake.”
    That’s one way for the universe to tell me I’m making a mistake
    Chloe Langton
Speaking today Chloé said: "When I was driving on Saturday afternoon someone was coming round a roundabout in the lane to the left to come off but they then carried on straight instead.
"There was a car in front of me that went to pull out but then had to break due to the t*** in the wrong lane and when he slammed his breaks on I then went into the back of him."
Other users were quick to poke fun at Chloé's timely misfortune.
A user called A.J Aldo wrote: “Least you weren’t rear-ended.”
Chloé joked: “Well that was the original plan.”
Simon Biker commented: “At least something got f***** today.”
A user called @Jenstokoe added: “The universe works in mysterious ways.”


A:Honey I'm home.

Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night?
A: Pastor Bedtime.

Kock, Knock
Who is there?
Suck, suck.
Suck, suck who?
After a long pause with a low voice:
My dick; dear!

You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.

During sex jokes: Why do women close their eyes during sex? What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave. Lalu explained the spousal sex.

 


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