Humour - Bang

Humour - Bang

What goes clop clop clop, bang bang, clop clop clop
An Amish drive by shooting.


It looks like this election won't end with a bang
But with a WI/MI/PA

So i banged my 3rd cousin yesterday...
My buddy told me to stop counting them

My landlord was banging on my door and yelling to me all morning.
I suppose I should let him out.



So I banged my 3rd cousin the other day
I'm really surprised how I even managed to bang more than two of my cousins

i banged a midwife once..
and i must say she delivered ...ba dum tisss

What happened when Moses banged his shin into the corner of the coffee table?
HE-BRUISED IT!!

I got to bang a 10/10 cougar after a night at the club
Now I'm banned from the local zoo.


Which fictional character i would totally bang?
My Girlfriend!

My boyfriend slammed me onto the table and banged me all day long
Life as a keyboard is good.

One day Jesus was delivering a sermon to his flock. "The path to the Lord lies at y=x2−4x+2". A passer-by leans over to Peter and whispers "what's he banging on about?"
Peter replies "don't worry, it's just one of his parabolas"

The big bang was an incredibly huge, loud disruption
I guess it must've startled everything

"Start the year with a bang!"
America really did.

(NSFW) A worm crawls out of a plate of spaghetti and says
“Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!”

My wife just found out she's adopted.
She was devastated and kept asking me "Why didn't they want me?" I comforted her and after a while, still crying, she asked to make love with her, which led to more tears.
On reflection, banging her from behind and shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY", was little insensitive.

When I was a kid, I wanted to bang Mother Theresa
My friends were like "Ew! She's like a million years old...you're a seriously sick kid!"
And I was just like "Good! She doesn't seem to go for the healthy ones, anyway.".

Two philosophers are engaged in a rousing debate.
The first says "All my studies, discussions and experiences lead me to firm belief that humans have agency. What has led you to your belief in determinism?"
The second responds:
"The big bang."

In America, men bang women.
In Thailand, women Bangkok.

The Lunar Festival in China this year didn't start with a bang.
But with a cough.

My neighbour is a clown for childrens parties. Evertime I turn my back to get ready for bed, he sneaks into my house in full costume and starts banging my wife. I can see them, in the mirror, going at it while I'm brushing my teeth.
They keep on telling me that I'll look back and laugh at it one day.

Are you my pinky toe?
Because I want to bang you all over my furniture.

What’s worse? Banging your cousin or your niece?
It’s all relative

A man bursts into a bar with a revolver and shouts "Who's been banging my wife?"
A voice in the room shouts "You're going to need more bullets."

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted...
"For goodness sake, keep it down!

Remember back in the day, when your TV wouldn't work, you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...


What do you get when you cross Big Bang Theory, 2 and a half men and How I met your mother?
How I banged your mother with 2 and a half men

[NSFW] What's the worst part about going down on your grandma?
Banging your head on the lid of the coffin

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.
I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

I met a girl today with a real banging body.
I mean it was a real racket she was making in my trunk.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

So I’m banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”

Chuck Norris one shot down a German fighter plane- by pointing his finger at it and yelling “bang!”


What’s the best part about banging twenty eight year olds? There are twenty of them


What did niki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?

Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you.


Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.


You know how we all have different side well I have a sucicidel side (here a bang in the next room) oh well not any more :)


Have you heard about the new cereal? It’s called “Prostituties”. They don’t snap, crackle or pop, but they sure do bang!

What did Ron put in his diary? I Her-mio-ne after I banged her last night.

So I was watching tv right? then i f…ing got banged in the eye with either a remore or metal tongs “wtf”


Me:911 I just killed someone Cops:Cool we will not come Me:Why Cops:Don’t admit a crime. Phones:Bang Bang Me:Well that was 2 crimes done.


Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging- think the opening line goes something like “they see me rolling, they hating”


what did the pimp order at the chinese resturaunt?He ordered some cock-bang-ho


Superman was bored and wanted to go out, he called all his super friends but they were all busy. He even calls Louis but it’s her time of the month. He flies to the liquor store and buy some beer and gets drunk. As has flying he sees wonder woman naked on top of the roof, he starts thinking 'I will fly down…and have sex with her sooooo fast “BURP” that she WON’T know what happen. "HICKUP" He flies to her faster than a speed of light BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG and flies away with a smile he passes out and crashed into a wall. Wonder woman jumps up and screams 'WHAT WAS THAT… the invisible man appears holding his butt and he gets off on wonder woman and says ‘I dont know but my butt hurts real bad’.
Now, it’s safe to say that The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon, Leonard, Bernadette, Amy, Raj and Howard are operating on an entirely different plane of intellectual existence than many of us. It’s a wonder that the super-smart group have as much love and respect for Penny as they do, considering that she’s a mere mortal in a group of geniuses.


“Is That Like All Thumbs Are Fingers But Not All Fingers Are Thumbs?”
When there are this many brilliant scientific minds in a sitcom, there also have to be regular, non-brilliant people to keep those geniuses grounded. That way, both groups can exasperate each other and keep the laughs coming.

“I’m Sorry, Do You Mean The Guy Or The ‘Juy?’”
If the whole jacuzzi/hot tub controversy wasn’t enough of a scientific minefield to delve into, try this on for size: is GIF pronounced ‘gif’ or ‘jif?’
The hot debate comes up in “The Fortification Implementation.” Leonard insists that, as the G in the acronym stands for ‘graphics,’ it should be a hard G, so ‘gif.’ Raj then counters this with the point that “the guy who invented it says it’s jif.” Unconvinced, Howard chimes in with a snarky, “I’m sorry, do you mean the guy or the ‘juy?’” It’s all very scientific, but for once, we can easily follow the gang’s train of thought.

“One Cries Because One Is Sad.”

“Look At You, Retaining Facts From A Nature Show.”
Over the course of the show, Penny’s role was often to try to help keep the group a little grounded. Inject a little pop culture into their scientific lives. At the same time, though, however hard she tried to block it out, she retained some of the science that came with associating with them.
In “The Conjugal Configuration,” Leonard and Penny are discussing Amy’s poor, downtrodden father. Feeling sorry for him, Penny states, "after they had Amy, should’ve just eaten him and been done with it.” Leonard’s impressed response to Penny’s likening Mrs. Fowler to an animal that engages in sexual cannibalism says it all.

Humour - Bang: As has flying he sees wonder woman naked on top of the roof, he starts thinking 'I will fly down…and have sex with her sooooo fast “BURP” that she WON’T know what happen. Leonard’s impressed response to Penny’s likening Mrs. Fowler to an animal that engages in sexual cannibalism says it all.


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