Pleasantry Abuse

Pleasantry Abuse

It is essential to apply what we have learned and use our voice when we see “joking” take place. Many of us are guilty of crossing a line with our humor, especially if we grew up in environments where abusive joking was encouraged. But with this knowledge in mind, we encourage you to improve your humor and your relationships by apologizing next time you catch yourself making a cruel joke. You can say, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Will you forgive me?” Once you are comfortable with that, you can even ask your partner to help hold you accountable by asking them to please speak up the next time you make an inappropriate joke without apologizing. When they do, don’t brush it off.

A man who abuses women goes to hell.
When he gets there, there's a row of giant demons with 18 inch dicks. A voice says "please proceed forward. Stop at every demon. When you get to the end you will be judged." So he goes to the first demon who proceeds to fuck him in the ass. The demon punches him in the face when it's over. He proce...
I would never joke about animal abuse.
That’s just beating a dead horse.

“I don’t think that’s funny. It feels like an insult.”
“You know, just the other day you told me very seriously that you would (do that same thing). Now you’re acting like it is a joke, but I don’t think it is.”
“Now that you’ve made yourself feel more important, I’m going to go watch some television.”
“I don’t like being the butt of your jokes. Please stop it.”

Does this mean that the abuser actually feels more powerful when he (or she), for instance, subtly puts down his partner’s interests? Yes, as incomprehensible as this is to some of us. Does this mean that their partner feels put down? Not always. He or she may feel a twinge of sadness because they cannot share this interest. Or he or she may feel a twinge of sadness that their partner can't enjoy, say, a particular artist or composer. Does this mean that the abuser can't (or doesn't) enjoy this pleasure? Not always; he or she may simply find greater pleasure in feeling that they have power over their partner.

If you show shock or displeasure he may patronize you with a hug and tell you he was only “kidding.” He maintains his good guy façade, and your friends wonder why you are overly emotional about a mindless joke.

Pleasantry Abuse: A man who abuses women goes to hell. Does this mean that the abuser actually feels more powerful when he (or she), for instance, subtly puts down his partner’s interests? I would never joke about animal abuse.


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