I received a bunch of flowers for valentines day, with the heads cut off
I think I was being stalked
I bought my girlfriend vegetables on valentine's day
She thinks i'm corny
My buddy just got kicked out of his house. His wife was hinting at Valentine's day plans and asked him if he knew her favorite flower.
"Gold Medal All Purpose" apparently wasn't the answer.
Plus, I don't know a better way to tell her that I've got chlymidia.
For Valentine's Day I made a chart of past relationships....
It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.
Reasons I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day this year
1. It's pay day
My friends always ask me what I got my significant other for Valentine's Day...
Each year I tell them I got myself a nice new pair of gloves.
I wanted to go out for Valentine's day, but my relationship is complex
I'm real, she's imaginary.
I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out?
She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.
Valentine's day for mlm
A guy sends his mom a fruit basket for Valentine's Day.
My wife called me on Valentine's Day
She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."
'That's so romantic! The lady exclaims 'Yes, we do have a card with that exact text.'
An old lady was talking to her husband on Valentine's day evening....
"Dear, honestly answer this. What did you think when you saw me the first time 50 years ago?"
"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?"
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'."
The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you."
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."
