A white-collar guy goes to jail for embezzlement, afraid of what he’s heard. Sure enough, his cellmate is the biggest, meanest guy he’s ever seen. When lights go out the guy says, “You want to play the husband or the wife?” The white-collar guy thinks and says, “The husband.” His cellmate says, “Then come over here and suck your wife’s d*ck.”
If you have little ones, most likely you will be celebrating New Year’s Eve waaaaay before the ball drops — and then promptly falling asleep in a pile of sparkly fedoras and noisemakers that sound like sick cows. That’s okay! Make the most of your abbreviated New Year’s Eve by telling your tiny party animals these clean, kid-friendly New Year’s Eve jokes.
“My New Year's resolution is to be sober enough to remember the ball dropping…. eh, who keeps New Year's resolutions anyway?”
If you're gonna bail on a resolution, you might as well make it a fun one, right? Also, best to get it out of the way as soon as possible. Hmm, maybe on second thought, don't come to me for life advice.
"The ball is dropping at the same rate as my inhibitions. Bring on 2022!"
If anything, New Year’s Eve is a celebration of letting it all go… and then resolving the next morning to stop doing all the things you did the night before. And who are we to judge tradition? That's basically what "Auld Lang Syne" means, right? Right.
I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!!
Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible
But don’t feel like you can’t enjoy these gems if you do have big plans to stay up past midnight on December 31. Maybe you plan on putting your little ones to bed and then keeping the NYE party rolling. Well, we’re here to tell you that these wholesome jokes are an excellent way to start your year off on the right foot — in laughter.
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The recession is so bad even sex asked for a government bailout. I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year than to give sex something to smile about: the best jokes about it. Here are the funniest sex and relationship jokes I’ve heard in the last twelve months. Enjoy! And may the New Year recession-proof your bedroom…
New Year's Sex Jokes: The recession is so bad even sex asked for a government bailout. I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year than to give sex something to smile about: the best jokes about it. Here are the funniest sex and relationship jokes I’ve heard in the last twelve months.