THE GOOD
A white-collar guy goes to jail for embezzlement, afraid of what he’s heard. Sure enough, his cellmate is the biggest, meanest guy he’s ever seen. When lights go out the guy says, “You want to play the husband or the wife?” The white-collar guy thinks and says, “The husband.” His cellmate says, “Then come over here and suck your wife’s d*ck.”

If you have little ones, most likely you will be celebrating New Year’s Eve waaaaay before the ball drops — and then promptly falling asleep in a pile of sparkly fedoras and noisemakers that sound like sick cows. That’s okay! Make the most of your abbreviated New Year’s Eve by telling your tiny party animals these clean, kid-friendly New Year’s Eve jokes.

“My New Year's resolution is to be sober enough to remember the ball dropping…. eh, who keeps New Year's resolutions anyway?”
If you're gonna bail on a resolution, you might as well make it a fun one, right? Also, best to get it out of the way as soon as possible. Hmm, maybe on second thought, don't come to me for life advice.

"The ball is dropping at the same rate as my inhibitions. Bring on 2022!"
If anything, New Year’s Eve is a celebration of letting it all go… and then resolving the next morning to stop doing all the things you did the night before. And who are we to judge tradition? That's basically what "Auld Lang Syne" means, right? Right.

I’M BACK!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AMERICANS!!!
Sincerely, Your Health Insurance Deductible

But don’t feel like you can’t enjoy these gems if you do have big plans to stay up past midnight on December 31. Maybe you plan on putting your little ones to bed and then keeping the NYE party rolling. Well, we’re here to tell you that these wholesome jokes are an excellent way to start your year off on the right foot — in laughter.

Half the guys you like are turned off by your body language. Turn them on with the secrets in woody’s new ebook, “ATTRACT HOTTER GUYS with the Secrets & Science of Sexual Body Language.”

The recession is so bad even sex asked for a government bailout. I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year than to give sex something to smile about: the best jokes about it. Here are the funniest sex and relationship jokes I’ve heard in the last twelve months. Enjoy! And may the New Year recession-proof your bedroom…

New Year's Sex Jokes: The recession is so bad even sex asked for a government bailout. I can’t think of a better way to start the New Year than to give sex something to smile about: the best jokes about it. Here are the funniest sex and relationship jokes I’ve heard in the last twelve months. 

What is a New Year’s resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.

“It figures this year would end with one giant tea-bagging.”
I mean, it has kind of felt like the world was being a bit of a big ol’ d*ck this year, so it makes sense that it would end this way. In fact, it’s almost poetic. OK, that’s a stretch, but you know what? Allow me to refer you back to joke two for my feelings on the subject.

What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
You’ll spill your punch all over.

How come no one listens to New Year’s resolutions?
They go in one year and out the other.

Sexual New Year Ball Drop Jokes.

What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve?
Hogs and kisses.

What do you cows celebrate on December 31st?
Moo Years Eve.

“I said I was going balls out in 2023, but this is just ridiculous."
Hey, I see what you did there. Cheeky!

"Cheering crowds watching the ball get dropped is 2023 in a nutshell."
Dark. But let’s keep it real.

“This ball needs to hurry up and drop already. I don’t know about y'all but I need a do-over.”
Hey, if there is one great thing about New Year’s Eve — I mean, aside from all the sequins, booze, and culturally encouraged making out with strangers — it's that it's also a fresh start. And let’s face it: Some of us are thirstier for that clean slate than others.

1. 2022 New Year Sex Joke

THE BETTER
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Father.'”

2. 2022 New Year Sex Joke

The devil opened a third door. In it, Rush saw Tiger Woods, lying on the floor with his arms tied behind his head and his legs in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was a line of women—none his wife—servicing him from head to toe. Rush looked in disbelief and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.” The devil smiled and said, “OK, ladies, you’re free to go.”

Sexual New Jears Jokes Part#1

What does a ghost say on January 1st?
Happy Boo Year.

Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.

What is a corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ears Day.

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cheese.
Cheese who?
For cheese a jolly good fellow.

The third Catholic lady says smugly, “My son is a cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Your Eminence.'”

The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, “Well…?” She replies, “My son is a 6′ 2”, hard-bodied stripper and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Oh, my God!’”

“I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. Believe it or not, I’ve got some folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”