Cheesy Valentine's Day Jokes

Keep it light- The trick to making your loved one laugh (even at themselves) is to joke about stuff that’s not so important.
Include a pun- Rarely offensive and so cheesy that you just have to laugh, puns are a safe option when cracking a joke on Valentine's Day.

Any dude who waits for Valentines Day to treat his woman like a Queen is failing 364 days a year.
Fellas: Make it a Valentine’s Day she’ll always remember by simply forgetting it.
Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine’s Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People
Valentines Day – Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says “I’m on my period”: Priceless.

Sexy Christmas Pickup Lines - Cosmopolitan (VIDEO)

Christmas Pick-Up Lines Part

Are you Adam Sandler? Because I’m ready to give you eight crazy nights.

Forget Santa, you’re on my nice list.

If a big man puts you in a bag tonight, don’t worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.

Are you a tree topper? Because I’ve been told I’m a star on top.

If you were a tree, you’d be an evergreen, because I bet you look this good year round.

Q: What did Santa say to his wife?
A: It's going to reindeer.

Q: Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store?
A: He desperately needed some holiday spirit.

Q: Why does Santa land on the roof?
A: Because he likes it on top.

Valentines One Liners - The funniest Valentines jokes

Let me help you Cherub one out.

Can any redditor change a lightbulb on Valentine's Day?
Yes, since it needs only a single one to do it.

I'm worried about bees reading the valentine's I'm sending out
So in every one I made sure to put a "bee mine"

My mom made Rumaki as an appetizer for Valentine's Day...
so I didn't just have one date, I had four.

Valentine's Day Gift
A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.

Best Little Johnny Dirty Joke Of The Day: Valentine's Day Card

Does anyone else get as excited about Valentine's Day coming up as they did about Christmas when they were little?
Or is it just because I'm Jewish?

I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again."
When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me."

Halloween SEX Jokes (VIDEO)

Want to check my pants for a treat?

I’m a vampire...permission to bite your neck?

Want to get tangled in my spider web tonight?

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite part of sex?
A: Edraculating.

Q: Why do we carve pumpkins at Halloween?
A: Because they have less blood and aren’t as messy as animals.

Q: What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
A: America’s Most Haunted.

Q: What do you call it when a vampire has a serious problem in his home?
A: It’s a Grave problem.

Sexual New Jears Jokes January 1st

Sexual New Jears Jokes Part#1

What does a ghost say on January 1st?
Happy Boo Year.

Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.

What is a corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ears Day.

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cheese who?
For cheese a jolly good fellow.

Dirty Christmas Jokes That'll Put You On The Naughty List (VIDEO)

Dirty Christmas jokes

Q: What's Santa's safe sex tip?
A: Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the gates of heaven. "In honor of this holy season," he said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

"Santa Clause is cuming to town."

"I want to eat your milk and cookies."

"Show me those sugar plums."

"Deck my balls."

How is Christmas just like any other day at the office?
You do a bunch of work and some guy in a suit gets all the credit.

What’s the most disappointing thing for a lover on Christmas morning?
When they get a sweater, but they’re hoping for a screamer or a moaner.

Naughty Valentines ideas - Funny

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies.
"I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."

Sex Antic

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.

A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying.
He walks over to her and asks what's wrong.
"I've never been hugged before" she says.
Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her.
She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before."
The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss.
She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem.
"I've never been fucked before" she says.
So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked."

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.
The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous.
Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."

Sex antic: I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman!

Best Valentine's Day Jokes - Funny Jokes About Couples

(My only Valentines day related joke) If the Swan symbolizes happiness, what bird symbolizes true love?
The Swallow.

The other men smile and one of them responds: “Thats funny because I love her so much that I got her s...

Be rude- Unless you know your other half has the type of humour that will really appreciate a bad joke, don't poke fun at their expense.

Hit a sore spot- Your loved one has probably shared a lot of their experiences with you and not all of them will have been pleasant. Don't make a joke out of something that's caused them pain or embarrassment. Even if it seems like enough time has passed for it to be funny, chances are they won't feel the same.

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