Jokes about fake orgasms

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Give Me One. This guy is married and his wife knows he is a bit of a cranky pants. They go out together on a night out. They go to the restaurant and order a nice meal. Midway through he calls the waiter and says, "Is there any such thing as a decent glass of wine to go with this dinner, if so give me one." Then they go to a pub where he calls to the barman, "Is there any such thing as pints of beer here, if so give me one." On the way home they stop at a takeaway where he says, "Is there any such thing as a burger here, if so give me one." They go home and then go to bed and the man says "Is there any such thing as sex here?" His wife says, "It depends." The man says, "What do you mean by that?" and his wife responds, "Is there any such thing as an orgasm here, if so give me one."

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon.

After I orgasm, I yell "Aaaaand scene." Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say "Ummm. We'll call u."

My wife once told me " Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms", which pissed me off because my names not Mike

On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

°The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution.
On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

Jokes about fake orgasms:  Women might be able to fake orgasms. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm.


Print