Condoms Jokes

A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

 

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

 

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?
Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore.

 

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag. I said "nah, I'll just turn the lights off."

 

China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile, but because their condoms are 'Made in China'.

 

For my next trick I need a condom and a volunteer...

A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…

 

What does a condom and a husband have in common? They both got used and thrown out.

 

Have you heard about the new supersensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talk to the woman.

 

Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called dads.

 

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.

 

What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.

 

"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company.

 

Condoms are for fucking pussies.

 

Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom? "They'll never see you coming."

 

“A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school. The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen." Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mom. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mom says, "Shit!" "Mom, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume." So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing." Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mom and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets." The following night his father invites over some important business clients. The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mom is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.”

Jokes about sex.

 


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