Day Sex Jokes - 2020.02.04

Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"

An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home.
They undressed and were about to screw, The woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.
"I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said.
The man replied, "thats good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!"

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?"
The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.

‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation.
Can you help me?!’
‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’

Q:Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A:They can't stand to see a man have a good time!

Do you work at a cattery?
Because I wanna be covered in pussy.

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.

Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?

How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex?
She locks the car doors.

A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams, "Nein!, Nein"
So two guys walk away.

Do you like maths?
If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!

Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.

There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.

Yo mama ass so big your dad's dick gets lost in it.

I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.

I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience.
Between five it’s fantastic!’
Woody Allen

Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal?
A: Due.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’
George Burns

The teacher had given the class an assignment.
He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family.
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."