What does One Direction and my Christmas tree have in common?
They both have ornamental balls.
Dear Santa…
Define good.
The second man reached into his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. They jingled as he shook them and he said, "They're bells."
"Santa needs a little helper."
"Your special present is inside my box."
Why did the Snowman want a divorce?
Because his wife was a total flake.
Are you looking for a tree topper? Because I’ve been told I’m a star on top.
Like candy canes and Christmas, me and you were mint for each other.
If you want to make them your permanent Santa baby:
Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Forget Santa, you’re on my nice list.
I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
Are you Christmas? Because I want to merry you.
You make me more excited than seeing gifts under a Christmas tree.
You’re the only reindeer for me.
If a big man puts you in a bag tonight, don’t worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.
All I want for Christmas is you. *cue Mariah Carey singing*
I feel like a Christmas tree when you talk to me because I light up.
I didn’t think I was a snowman but you just made me melt.
Forget 12 days of Christmas, I want 12 days with you.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
I have the stamina of a jolly, round man — I can go all night long.
If I was the Grinch, I wouldn’t steal Christmas. I’d steal you.
You looking to get fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laid?
I want to fill you up with my holiday spirit.
I’m not Santa, but do you want to sit on my lap and tell me what you want this Christmas?
Can I take a picture of you? I want to show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas.
What’s the difference between you and the Grinch? The Grinch stole Christmas but you’ve stolen my heart.
Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: A wrapper!
"Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates," said Saint Peter.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. Saint Peter looked at the man, puzzled. "And just what do those symbolize?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
Dirty Christmas Jokes
