Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.
Whats long and hard on a nigger? First grade.
Why isn't necrophilia bad? I've never heard a corpse complain.
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep sh*t.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
Sex is like math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!
What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant.
Like The Movies. A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face." The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye? "Turns out we watch different movies."
Salesman. A salesman go out of town for business. After a couple of weeks he comes home and tells his wife about it. "Guess what dear, I earned 4000 dollars by selling 50 mattresses and 30 pairs of panties." The wife replies "Really, well with just one mattress and no panties I earned twice as much."
Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his
“DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing now?”
“Son, there’s been a change of plan,” his father replied.
“Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW.”
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
After a little rest he thought, if that was that good..."How much for a blow job?"
She said "600". OH MY GOD! was his reply.
She told him to walk back over to the window.
"See that 15 story hotel?
I own it and I didnt inherit it. I'm that good."
He said "Well get to work then sweetie."
And sure enough he got the best blow job he ever received.
Sex jokes about Impotence: Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".