Valentines Day Jokes - Jokes For Us

Couple laughing Romance not your thing? Try a joke. What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn't suit his taste! Do you have a date for valentines day? Yes, February 14th You wanna hear a joke? Valentine's Day Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive on Valentines Day by 90 percent.... Wedding cake. Valentines Day One Liners Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together. I'm gonna spend Valentines day with my ex...... box 360 "Whale you be my Valentine?" "Dolphinately" Roses are red, violets are blue.

My Valentine’s Day joke
What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I got my wife flowers and a dildo for Valentine’s Day.
If she doesn’t like the flowers, she can go fuck herself.

My missus asked me if I'd planned something special for Valentine's day. "I'm working on it" I said. She smiled happily,
which is weird because I thought she'd be well cheesed off because I was having to work.

Nsfw My wife said we can do anal for Valentines Day
It made my day but made her hole weak!

Valentine night for Men.
I have booked a dim lit table for two tonight for me and the Wife.

I just hope the fuck she likes Snooker....
I made breakfast in bed for my girlfriend on Valentine's day?
It was a hearty meal

Best gift for your Valentine.
An upright organ. . .

A guy walks into a bar on Valentine's Day and orders a beer.
A guy walks into a bar on Valentine's Day and orders a beer. "I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day. She said a divorce," the guy tells the bartender. "Oh, no. What did you do?" the bartender asks. "I just told her I hadn't planned on spending that much," the guy replies.

This Valentine’s Day
I took my wife to a dark, romantic, and very loud restaurant so no one can see or hear us fight.

I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.
They're both about candy and being something you're not.

There is sex without love and love without sex.
And then there's us with neither.

“Every year my husband brings home some shitty supermarket flowers and expects me to lay on my back and spread my legs.”

Valentines Day Jokes