I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the backdoor."
Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that everyday.
Three thieves are in a house...
Three thieves are in a house when suddenly they hear someone come through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside. When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound similar to grains being moved. The owner moves to the second and kicks it, this one makes the sound of walnuts being banged together. The owner, almost relaxed now, kicks the third sack, which doesn't make any sound. A bit surprised he kicks it again and again and again harder each time, till finally the angry thieve inside yells out: "It's flour you stupid piece of s\*\*t, it doesn't make a sound".
My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.
I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"
"Sir?" I asked.
"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."
"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"
"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"
"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."
“Sheldon, We Have To Do This!”
As difficult as Leonard found Sheldon to live with, the pair remained close friends throughout the show’s long run. They definitely had some quite spectacular arguments at times, though, such as the one in “The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization.” In this episode, the duo discover that they’ve been invited to present some scientific findings at a conference. Leonard is all for it, but Sheldon refuses to do so. “Sheldon, we have to do this,” Leonard insists, but Dr. Cooper, taking things super literally as always, responds, “no, we don’t. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste and inhale enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is optional.”
Quiz - Bang: I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week. The owner moves to the second and kicks it, this one makes the sound of walnuts being banged together.