• Anecdote - Bang

    Our church minister is still banging parishioners despite the pandemic...
    Guess he never heard the commandment, "Thou shalt not covid they neighbor's wife".

    So if the big bang happended 13.8 billions years and matter cannot be created nor destroyed and our bodies are made out of matter, that means that out bodies are 13.8 billion years old
    So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough.

  • Antic - Bang

    Andy Daly's characters have a tendency to commit suicide, or at the very least have suicidal thoughts. This is most evident in 148: "Wipeout!".
    R.I.Possible     Said when Scott is unsure if someone mentioned on the show is still alive or not.
    Open Door Policy     Scott employs an open door policy on the show, which often destroys his attempts to make the show more like WTF with Marc Maron, which conducts "actor's pain" interviews.
    President Barack Hussein Obamacare     How Scott refers to the president and his policies.
    "iPod, iPad, I don't even know anymore!"     Scott is often confused by new technology, especially Apple products.
    Computer.com     An all-purpose website.

  • Drollerey - Bang

    A couple woke up to banging on their door.
    After getting his gun from the drawer, just in case, the man went and opened the door to find his neighbors there. "DON'T USE THE WATER, IT'S POISONED!", they said. He assured them that he and his wife won't drink water and the neighbors left.
    He went back to his bedroom and his wife asked him, "What happened, sweetheart?", she said. He replied "Nothing, honey! Just go drink water and let's go back to sleep."

  • Farce - Bang

    An old drunk walks in the the toughest biker bar. He immediately Scans the crowd until he find the toughest biker in the bar
    The guy is a Monster or a man and looks very dangerous. The old drunken man sits down on a bar stool next to him and says loudly, “Hey buddy! Hey! Tough guy! Why don’t you buy me a beer before I go home and go bang your mom!”
    The crowd goes silent; they know this biker has killed for far less. But he just sits there turning red. The old guy continues: “You know I banged your mom last week too! She LOVED it!!”
    Again, the crowd waits for the big biker to kill the olds drunk. But he just sits there getting angrier and angrier. The old man says: “I’m going to give it to her so hard tonight! She won’t walk right after I’m done with her! What do you think about that, big guy??”
    Suddenly the massive biker stands up, spins the old drunk towards him, grabs his shoulders and says “Goddamit dad, go home! You’re drunk!”

  • Fun - Bang

    When I was bar tending I would tell people this was the worst joke they’ll ever hear that will still make them laugh. I always just called it. “Grandma”
    A boy comes home from school one day skipping football practice cuz he isn’t feeling well.
    When he gets home he grabs a snack and sits down to watch some TV.
    During the show he hears some noises coming from his parents room.
    His parents not being home at that time normally he walks down the hall to see what’s going on.
    He Opens the door. Only to find his dad, banging his mom. Got her bent over the dresser.
    The Boy gasps and the father turns around and yells. “Get out of here son!!!”
    Traumatized the boy leaves the room and the mother and father struggle to put their clothes on chuckling nervously.
    Later that night. The father is watching the game. Having a few beers. And he hears some loud Ruckus coming from down by his sons room.
    So, he walks down the hallway, opens the door to his sons room.....
    Only to find his boy banging his Grandma, got her bent over the dresser.
    The dad gasps!!!!
    The son turns around and says. “It’s not so funny when it’s your mom!!!”

  • Funny - Bang

    It appears as an easter egg in the TV universe.
    "That sounds good to me"     Believed to originate from Neil Campbell's opening act during the 2016 live tour. He said the phrase in a funny way and it got the other members of the tour tickled, becoming an inside joke. They continued doing it while traveling and then started referencing it live.
    Eatin' Ain't Cheatin'     Scott and PFT impersonate Bill Clinton saying his famous catchphrase "Eatin' ain't cheatin'."
    Scott is 29 years old.     For years, Scott has insisted he is 29 years old, an allusion to the reluctance of Hollywood icons to share their actual age and consequently lying about it.

  • Game - Bang

    A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
    "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
    A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
    The kid ignores him.
    "Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
    The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
    "Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

  • Humour - Bang

    What goes clop clop clop, bang bang, clop clop clop
    An Amish drive by shooting.

    It looks like this election won't end with a bang
    But with a WI/MI/PA

    So i banged my 3rd cousin yesterday...
    My buddy told me to stop counting them

    My landlord was banging on my door and yelling to me all morning.
    I suppose I should let him out.

  • Jape - Bang

    What's Up, Hot Dog?     "What's up, hot dog?" was the catchphrase Scott used to open the show beginning in 2010. It comes from a story Aukerman told on 'Never Not Funny' in which he witnessed a man awkwardly trying to initiate conversation with the cashier of a convience store by telling him "What's up, hot dog?" repeatedly, while holding a hot-dog. In 103: These Times They Are A-Changin', Scott announced his intentions to retire the catchphrase and pay homage to it by renaming the Plugs Section the 'What's Up, Hot Dog?' Memorial Plugs Section. Scott has since gifted the catchphrase to Weird Al Yankovic.
    B-b-b-b-bonus-s-s-s-s!     Starting on Best of 2011 Pt. 1, Scott and Paul have introduced bonus clips by alternatively repeating b or s, respectively.
    Heynong Man!     This originally came from Jason "Heynong" Mantzoukas saying "hang on, man," and there have been several variations such as "shame nong you." Jason hates all of the variations.
    How the bread is made     This expression refers to behind-the-scenes details of the show, and originated when Scott was trying to say "how the sausage is made."
    'Sclusie     When a celebrity guest drops unique information, or premiers a new story on the podcast, Scott will often refer to it as a 'sclusie, a Hollywood shortening of the word "exclusive."
    Maybe it's just me, but for me...     Scott often points out that his opinions may not be your opinions or the opinions of anyone else.
    Thank you, Reggie Watts     On earlier episodes of the show, Scott would thank Reggie for his performance of the theme song, explaining that he traveled to the studio solely to perform the song and would leave immediately afterward.
    This is not that kind of show    

  • Jest - Bang

    It is early January of 1793. The commotion outside of the Castle of Versailles is growing louder by the minute. Louis XVI, however, is not bothered, as he is getting his new suit matched, pleated and frilled in his chambers by his favorite tailor.
    "Ah yes, Poilon, superb work with the gold thread on my boot leather as per usual. And now: the silk pants with Morocco pearls."
    "Y-your Majesty... I think they're breaking down the front wall."
    "Nonsense! Clothe me or I shall have you beheaded!"
    "Absolutely, your majesty! There we go!"
    "Splendid! Fetch the doe skin gloves. I want them creased and covered in emeralds."
    A loud bang was heard, followed by an ominous roar. Poilon shuddered.
    "They're here, your Grace - the horde."
    "Don't be preposterous, you simpleton! Get. The. Doe. Skin. Gloves!!"
    "B-but your excellence..."
    "Get the gloves or get my sword!! Either my knuckles roll in sunlight or your head in the gutter!!"
    "Yes your Hi-"
    But before Poilon finished his sentence, the door flew off its hinges and the starved, enraged People's Militia flooded the chamber. They stopped in their tracks, gaping at the lavish wastefulness of the king's suit.
    "Blasphemy!" a peasant called out. "That outfit alone could feed a village for two years!" He turned to Poilon. "Have you designed this atrocity, this Robe of Famine!?"
    Poilon, frantically torn between death threats - obeying his King and answering to the Militia, simply opted to pleat the fist.

  • Jocularity - Bang

    Every Inside Joke on The Big Bang Theory, Alphabetized.

    “Smart? I’d Have To Lose 60 IQ Points To Be Classified As Smart!”
    Our old friend Dr. Sheldon Cooper is a lot of things (a lot), but modest certainly isn’t one of them. Simply knowing he’s a genius isn’t enough. He wants everyone to know he’s more of a genius than his genius friends, and he often goes to great lengths to prove it.
    When he’s belittled by Leonard’s latest girlfriend, fellow scientist Lesley Winkle, he declares her his arch-enemy and refuses to stay in the apartment while she’s there. Out on the stairs with his laptop, he meets Penny and announces (in true Sheldon style) that he preferred her relationship with Leonard so she should get right back to it. Penny starts to explain that somebody as smart as Sheldon must understand that feelings don’t work that way, before he takes offense at the word ‘smart’ and brushes her off.

  • Jocundity - Bang

    Went out with a bang...
    A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
    With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instructed. Every morning for the rest of his life, he added a pinch of gun powder to his oatmeal.
    He grew up, lived happily, enjoyed perfect health, and died at the ripe old age of 107.
    According to the story in the newspaper, he left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

  • Jokes - Bang

    orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets em. ( also I banged ya mum ;) )

    The Big Bang Theory: 10 Best Science Jokes Everyone Will Understand.

    Though The Big Bang Theory could make science jokes that went over many people's heads, there are plenty that we can all appreciate.

    10 Comedy Movies To Watch If You Loved The Big Bang Theory.
    Heck, half the time Sheldon is being snarky about the fact that Howard is ‘only’ a brilliant engineer. As expected, then, a lot of the show’s jokes fall into the ‘they’re using absurd jargon for laughs’ category. Even so, though, some of the show’s science-centric humor does make perfect sense for viewers without MENSA memberships. Here are some of the funniest examples.

  • Joss - Bang

    A man is jogging through the woods.
    He comes up on a clearing where he sees a figure and as he gets closer, he realizes it is a seriously ugly witch. On her right shoulder sits an equally ugly crow.
    When he is about to run past her, the witch immediately addresses him: “If you can correctly name the animal on my shoulder, you can bang me!”
    Not exactly enthusiastic about the prospect of having to bang an ugly witch, the man thinks for a few minutes to find the most unlikely answer he can think of, then exclaims: “Octopus.”
    The witch smiles and says: “OK, I will just barely allow that as a correct answer…”

  • Pleasantry - Bang

    I have the worst neighbour ever! He keeps on banging on the wall at 3 a.m.
    Completely ruins my drumming practice.

  • Quiz - Bang

    I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
    She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the backdoor."
    Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that everyday.

    Three thieves are in a house...
    Three thieves are in a house when suddenly they hear someone come through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside. When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound similar to grains being moved. The owner moves to the second and kicks it, this one makes the sound of walnuts being banged together. The owner, almost relaxed now, kicks the third sack, which doesn't make any sound. A bit surprised he kicks it again and again and again harder each time, till finally the angry thieve inside yells out: "It's flour you stupid piece of s\*\*t, it doesn't make a sound".

  • River - Bang

    LONG : An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
    Looking at the shiny car ,the old man asks the doctor "What ya driving there sonny?
    The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche. It cost half a million dollars!
    'Why does it cost so much?' Says the old man.
    'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.
    The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
    'No problem,' replies the doctor.
    So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
    'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!' said the old man.
    Just then the light changes, and the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
    He floors it, and within 30 seconds
    the speedometer reads 160 mph.
    Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
    He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOSSSHHH !
    The old man whips by him going much faster!
    How the hell is he going faster than my Porsche?' the doctor asks himself.
    Amazed that the Moped could pass his Porsche, he gives it more gas
    and passes the Moped at 275 mph
    and he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN and WHOOSSSH! the old man passes him.
    Astounded by the speed of this old guy,
    he floors the gas pedal and takes the sports-car all the way up to 320 mph.
    Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
    The Porsche is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
    Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Porsche, demolishing the rear end.
    The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.
    He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
    The old man whispers,
    'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.

  • Scream - Bang

    My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
    "Who was that?" asked my wife.
    "Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
    "Did you help him?" she asked.
    "No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
    "Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
    She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
    "Do you still need a push?"
    "Yes please."
    "Where are you?"
    "Over here...on the swing."

  • Trick - Bang

    Back Alley Memories
    I was reminded me of an old joke from another Reddit post:
    A very elderly couple is seated at a table in a bar. The woman looks over to the man, holding his hand and says, "Do you remember meeting me for the first time right here 50 years ago?"
    The husband replies, "Yes dear."
    The wife says, "Do you remember what we did afterwards?"
    The husband enthusiastically says, "How could I forget! It was magical!"
    The wife looks at her husband lovingly, "You want to do it again? Let's go to the back alley like we did all those years ago"
    The husband hails the waiter, pays the bill, and they slowly pack their things. A police officer, overhearing their conversation thinks to himself, "The back alley? That can't be safe! I've gotta make sure they're okay back there." The officer secretly follows the couple out and stands on the corner peaking around it to make sure they aren't in any danger.
    The old woman raises her dress and takes off her panties bending over to the fence to lean on, the old man slowly drops his trousers. He carefully grabs her by the hips and she leans forward and then suddenly...
    BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM! They're banging like two jackhammers colliding! It's like watching a shark frenzy with two sharks hungrily thrashing against one another! The Officer looks on incredulous! This goes on for several minutes and the couple falls over panting in a steamy pile of exhaustion. The officer leaps out from around the corner, "Holy hell! You guys are AMAZING How on earth do you stay so fit for something like that?!"
    The old man weakly looks over to him and says, "50 years ago, this fence wasn't electric!"