Naughty Valentines ideas - Funny

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies.
"I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."

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Happy Valentine’s Day, wanna f*ck?

To all my single friends. If no one else loves you, I do. Happy Valentine's Day! To all my friends who are commited: Happy Valentine`s Day!. and To all my friends who are single, Happy Independance Day Dear Alcohol..... Will you be my Valentine?

Those roses smell lovely,
But the stems have a prick.
Her excuse may well sound good,
But she'll be getting some ________

After marriage, you are Acommo-Dating!

I bought my girlfriend vegetables on valentine's day
She thinks i'm corny

His friend thinks for a minute,” Uhm…I…er…”

Plus, I don't know a better way to tell her that I've got chlymidia.

Valentines special! $500.00
We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.

My missus asked me if I'd planned something special for Valentine's day. "I'm working on it" I said. She smiled happily,
which is weird because I thought she'd be well cheesed off because I was having to work.

Naughty Valentines Days Jokes