What do you call two jalapeños getting it on?
What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? Computers don’t laugh at 3.5″ floppies.
A 9 year old girl came up to her mother and said “whats sex?” the mother sat her down and gave “the talk”. after explaining she asked her daughter why she asked? and the daughter said “I told dad dinner was ready and he said he would be down in a few secs”
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died!
I have a fantasy, to sleep with 2 women... in the same year.
I don't flirt with disaster, I take it home and fuck it.
To all the Dads out there, Happy Father's Day... you mother fuckers. (Sex Jokes)
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
Q: Why don't blacks fuck Afghans? A: Because they are going to make you blow.
A slut is someone who'll have sex with anyone, a bitch is someone who'll have sex with anyone except you.
What do blondes do after they comb their hair? They pull up their pants.
Rape is a terrible crime... I'll never understand how a man can traumatize a woman like that. That's why I always make sure they don't remember...
“were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second”
“hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he shuffles back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean, 200 dollars an hour!
“guy walks into a bar, and another guy says, "I slept with my wife before we were married. Did you?" The other guy says, "I don't know...what was her maiden name?”
“A screwdriver hops into a taxi cab and says to the driver, "Screw you!
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What do you call a guy with a giant dick?
It's crazy to think that something as wonderful as sex can lead to something as terrible as a child.
the last time I attempted one of Cosmo's sex positions, I killed a man
I don't think you should fake orgasm. But if you do, a pretty convincing face is "scandalized by the price of a $17 wedge of cheese."
Day sex jokes: To all the Dads out there, Happy Father's Day... you mother fuckers.