Best Dick Jokes Through History - Why Sexual Comedy About Big

Bubba and Leroy were sitting on the front porch of a trailer house. Leroy says "Bubba, you and me are bestest buddies. If you was gone huntin and I had sex with your wife and she had my baby, would that make us Kin Folk?" Bubba replied " I don't know Leroy, but it would dang shore make us even"

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.

Dougall O’Reilly is at the pub one night when he climbs to feet: “I got one fer ya!” he says, “I got one!” The crowd quiets. “Here’s to spendin’ the rest o’ me life, lyin’ between the legs ‘o me wife!” It’s an easy audience, everyone’s half cut, and wouldn’t you know? He wins the prize for best toast of the night!
Another hour later, Dougall wobbles home and in the back door. He snaps a £20 note and presents it to his wife: “Mary, guess who won the prize fer the best toast o’ the night?”
“Oh, isn’t that lovely?” says Mary, “And what was this wonderful toast you made?”
“I said Here’s to spendin’ the rest of me life, lyi– er, uh, settin’ in church beside me wife.”
“That’s… nice, Dougall.” she says, looking puzzled.
Next day, she’s on High Street to get something nice for dinner with the wee bounty, when she runs smack into one of Dougall’s drinking buddies. “Hey, Mary,” he says, leering, “Didja know Dougall won a prize with a toast about yer last night?”
“I know!” she says, “though I was a bit surprised meself. I mean, he’s only been there twice in four years, and the last time, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!”

A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”
The man decides to try it and dresses up in his best God costume. At 8 o’clock, he sees the nun and appears before her.
“Oh, god!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!”
The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud anal sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
“Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!”
“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

When King Arthur went on the crusades he left behind his most trusted knights of the round table to watch over his beautiful queen Guenivere. Her beauty was such that no man in the land could withstand it. Knowing this, wise King Arthur affixed her with a chastity belt, which on the outside had many spikes and snags to disuade any competitors.
When he returned from the crusades he called a meeting of his knights, and demanded they all drop their trousers to see who had been unfaithful and had attempted to lay with Guenivere. All the men except Good Sir Lancelot had scars and cuts on their thighs and genitals, showing that they had been unfaithful to King Arthur. Arthur said: “Lancelot my friend, wisest, noblest and kindest of all my Knights, how did you resist the beauty of Guinevere?” Lancelot responded: “ifluvllvl fvlvuusshh fahfahlavulah”
This joke is best when told in public and incredibly overperformed with storytelling and accents and such, as my uncle did when he told it to 14 year old me at a fine dining restaurant.

Best jokes about sex: If you was gone huntin and I had sex with your wife and she had my baby, would that make us Kin Folk? The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?


Print