Sex jokes - Santa Claus

Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.

Rudolph the well hung reindeer,
Had a great enormous cock,
All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock,
All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small,
Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all,
Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong...
Fuck my arsehole all night long!"
Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say,
"Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."

Q: What's the worst part about sex?
A: When they wake up!

A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.

Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!"
and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?"
and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"

Woman to doctor: ‘Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.’
Doctor: ‘And what are you taking for it?’ Woman: ‘Pepper.’

What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!

Why do men like having sex with the lights on?
It makes it easier to put a name to the face.

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"

Santa Claus sex jokes:  Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all. Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost? Why do men like having sex with the lights on?


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