“Joking” is a tactic commonly used by abusers. We put the word joking in quotes when discussing it in the abusive context because words that deliberately hurt others are not truly jokes. Real, intelligent, humor is not at the expense of another person; this type of banter takes the easy, cheap-shot, road. To make an entertaining joke that everyone can enjoy requires more creativity than sarcasm and put-downs.
For one, some families make humiliation a sport. They may sit around the dinner table, picking away at other people’s insecurities to produce a laugh. And while some individuals from that type of home may be less sensitive to abusive “joking,” make no mistake: they are not immune to its effects. Most of the time, thick-skinned people who grew up believing that humiliation was the equivalent of humor are still hurt by those types of remarks even if they are better at deflecting or hiding the shame they feel as a result.
So apparently, Hitler’s dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Although there are no words used, stonewalling is a form of verbal abuse. Do not mistake stonewalling for creating boundaries and claiming essential quiet time. Stonewalling is the ‘silent treatment’ and is used as a way to punish a partner. It is a passive-aggressive act and is a form of control.
“It takes a quick mind to come up with ways of disparaging the partner either crassly or with wit and style. This kind of abuse is not done in jest. It cuts to the quick, touches the most sensitive areas, and leaves the abuser with a look of triumph. This abuse never seems funny because it isn’t funny.” — Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship.
She can’t remember anything; she has sticky notes everywhere.
Chances are your abusive partner will ever change, but you can change the way you react to his verbal abuse.
Countering is a tendency to be argumentative—not merely in political, philosophical, or scientific contexts but in ordinary contexts as well. The victim of the abuse may share her positive feelings about a movie she just saw, and the abuser may then attempt to convince her that her feelings are wrong. This is countering, or dismissing the victim’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences on a regular basis.
5 Signs You're Being Verbally Abused — And Don't Know It.
Quiz Abuse: “Joking” is a tactic commonly used by abusers. Chances are your abusive partner will ever change, but you can change the way you react to his verbal abuse. Although there are no words used, stonewalling is a form of verbal abuse.