Jokes about sex - Virginity

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex?
They're called "Predickamints".

The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.

Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...

A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground.
The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at.
The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing.
They father replies that the two spiders are having sex.
It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other.
The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg.
The father says that they're both daddy long legs.
The son stomps on them, killing them.
The father asks why he did that.
The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Your momma's like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow.

Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.

YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.

How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you screw her.

The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.

Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.

Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.

My doctor examined my testicles for me and found two small lumps.
Luckily it turned out they were my testicles.

I lost my virginity.
Can I have yours?

Q: How do you know a blonde just lost her virginity?
A: The crayons are still sticky.Peter approaches the gates of Heaven.
"Knock knock," says Peter.
Miraculously, someone answers him.
"Who's there," a voice in the distance asked.
"God," says Peter.
"God who," asked the voice?
"GOD DAMMIT open these gates!
I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"

I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.


Why can’t gypsies have babies?
Because their husbands have crystal balls.


Johny is the first day in jail in the cell with one mighty and a crazy prisoner and this crazy prisoner tells Johny: "You probably do not know that on the first day must every new prisoner must pass over the so-called welcome´s ceremonial. Ok, so I ask you directly. Do you want it with cream or without the cream?"
Johny says: "I want it with creme, of course."
The crazy prisoner yells and says: "Cremo, come here, please."

Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.

I lost my virginity to a retard last night... I wanted my first time to be special.

 


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