Sex jokes - Christmas

If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg, can I visit between the holidays?

Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men?
It changes their blood type.

A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
the son asks.
“Yes.
You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
 “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
 “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Q: Why do fat, ugly women give the best blow jobs?
A: Because they have to!

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school.
She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.
"Who is the creator of the universe?"
Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up.
Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!"
The teacher congratulated her.
A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?"
Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!"
The teacher congratulated her again.
Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?"
Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins!

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.


What’s the sex?
The sex in a disease.
You always get in bed because of it.

Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.

Q: How big are the pastro's beds?
A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.

I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.

A homo went to Denmark to have a sex change operation performed.
When 'SHE' returned, a friend asked, "How did it go?"
"Oh awful, just awful!" she replied.
"What was so awful?" asked the friend, "Did it hurt a lot when they removed the extra parts?"
"Oh no," she replied, "That wasn't bad at all."
"Well, did it hurt when they put in the silicone implants?" the friend asked.
"Oh no, that wasn't bad either!" she replied.
"Well then," asked the friend, "What was so awful?"
"It was when they cut a hole in my head and took out half my brain!"


Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.

Christmas sex jokes: What’s the sex? The sex in a disease. A homo went to Denmark to have a sex change operation performed. 


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