Jokes about dildo

Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.


Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.


Yo mama's so fat when she is having sex, her partner doesen't know if it's in her butt or her boobs.

Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.

Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Justin.
Justin who?
Your justin time to wipe my ass!


Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle.
What's your age?
70.
You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...

‘I’m a bad lover.
Once I caught a peeping Tom booing me.’
Rodney Dangerfield


Did you hear about the transvestite who wanted a night on the town?
He wanted to eat, drink and be Mary.


The sexologist to Johny: "let´s talk about sex!"
Johny: "I have no idea."


Man to vicar: ‘Do you approve of sex before marriage?’
Vicar: ‘Not if it delays the service.’

A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sex, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."

One day Pepito was having a shower with his father when he saw his fathers penis.
He asked his father what it was and his father replied "this is my racing car".
The next night Pepito heard moaning in his parents room, being curious he peeped in to see what was happening.
He then saw his father on top of his mother, while looking his father saw him and told him to go to his room.
"OK, but I'm not sure you're driving that racing car properly" replied Pepito.

A priest took a beautiful girl in his bedroom.
He put a Bible on the bed and asked the girl to lie on the bed.
When the priest tried to have sex with her, the girl shouted:
"Father, what are you doing?"
The priest replied "Calm down my child.
Holy Bible under you, Holy Father above you and Holy water passing through."

What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k?
A joystick does its job.

 


Print