Sex jokes - Penis

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have on tap?" He replies, "Anheuser-Busch" (And-how's-your bush). She says, "Just fine. How's your penis?"

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Why did God give men penises?
So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

What did the penis say to the vagina?
Don’t make me come in there!

What’s another name for a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.

Dosen’t the term “staff member” make you laugh? Becasuse both of those words mean penis.

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.

What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone's always willing to blow your bonus.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

The only thing harder than midterms was my penis when I found out Bruce Jenner was switching genders.

“A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up."

Dick jokes have existed throughout history in nearly every culture known to man, from the greatest literature of all time—Shakespeare and James Joyce—to ancient graffiti. "Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!" some anonymous guy scrawled on the wall of a bar in the Roman city of Pompeii around 2,000 years ago. They have been staples of comedy for millennia for a reason: They’re nearly universally appealing.

But comedians aren’t just laughing at penises anymore. Novak is going in the opposite direction. "I’m trying to restore [the penis] to true dignity." Will her intellectual blow job jokes allow the dick joke to be taken more seriously? Will future comedians have to deal with the flack that Patton still gets in his reviews?

Comedy is one of the only art forms that allows us to talk about male genitalia so openly and democratically. Whatever form the dick joke takes, from idiotic to intellectual, from poetry to prop comedy, as long as it gets a laugh, it should be celebrated. And there’s no better way to diffuse the angst surrounding the modern-day penis than a well-crafted dick joke. The more we laugh about penises (and not just at them), the happier the world might be.

Penis sex jokes

 


Print