Guys act all sweet but it soon will fade, For all they are doing is trying to get laid. The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit, Because I think love is a big crock of shit! So here is my story, what else can I say? Love bites my ass… Fuck Valentine’s Day!
As I'm standing there naked see says stop wearing my clothes you're stretching them out.
The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 o...
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says,” You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.“
Obviously having a senior moment he says,” What’s that flower...
She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."
The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"
As I'm standing there naked see says stop wearing my clothes you're stretching them out.
Two women are having lunch on Valentine's Day
One says to the other "Do you and your husband have any romantic plans for tonight?"
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
I just want to say a big thank you to my hand for always being by my side!!
He says "I thought I so want to suck your titties dry and fuck your brains out..."
Wife giggles hearing this answer. While biting her lips she says "Well... what do you think of me now?"
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!
I think I owe my vibrator a Valentines Day card.
I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. I hope she finds someone nice.
Valentine's Day Jokes
