Dirty Valentines - 2021

I got more sweet treats for you than a Whitman’s sampler.

What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine’s Day. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I’m using my hand, Thinking of you. We’re like hot chocolate and marshmallows… you’re hot and I want to be on top of you.

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden? It made him wed his plants! Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion! Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending? Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

I have a joke about Valentines
Most of you wont get it.

Had me a Barack Obama valentines day.
Obama self.

Today I got 150 Valentines cards, I was totally shocked and breathless
The security guard at Hallmark gave quite a chase!

Valentines day word
Q. Whats the most used word on Valentines day?

Happy Valentines Day!

The #1 thing a guy wants for Valentines Day is Sex...
... And #2 is for his wife to not find out.
Picked up two HOT girls on valentines day ...
First time i ever had two HOT GIRLS at the same time.

I’m not sure what this “Valentines Day” thing is...
Does it mean the day before “Half-Price-Chocolate Day?”

I am really struggling on what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day.
I mean, I’d hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarrassing.

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"
I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

Alright, guys. It's that time of year again: I'm planning on taking my girlfriend out for Valentines Day
Can anyone recommend me a good girlfriend?

A Happy Valentines Day From the UK.
Wishing you all a happy Valentines day from the UK.
also lovingly known as Steak and blowjob day.

For us Singles
Pornhub & Handjob Day
If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember...
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.

Just booked a table for me and the missus for Valentines Day knowing this is going to end in tears....
She’s shit at snooker
This Valentine's Day, I'm sending telepathic gifts.
Because it's the thought that counts.