Sex jokes - Nipple

How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it!

Condoms are not completely safe.
A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn

Ladies, it is amazing how you do that, with a beverage coming out of your nipple, did you know that? Guys, we can't do it. Because if we could, we'd spend the whole time squirting each other. (Credit: Dave Attell.)

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.

Without nipples, breasts would be pointless.

Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.

“man and a woman were approaching their 50th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, the woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night, and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. On their anniversary night, at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were 50 years ago." The man replies, "Madge, hon, that's because they are sitting in your soup.

Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back."
Jonny: "That's what she said."
Miss: "Get out!"
Jonny "She said that too."

A kid walks up to his mom and asks, "Mom, can I go bungee jumping?" The mom says "No, you were born from broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!"

A very old man went to a church, making this confession:
- Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years.
All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sex with an 21 year old woman.
- When was the last time you made a confession?
- I never have, I am Jewish.
- Then why are you telling it to me?
- I am telling it everybody ...

Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

Kamasutra says:
If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!

One day a farmer wakes up to go check on his cheese cow. He walks up and finds her dead in the grass. The man is so upset he kills himself. Then his wife wakes up. She finds her husband dead and goes to the lake and kills herself. Next the first son wakes up and notices everybody is dead. He goes down to the river and sees a mermaid. She swims up to him and says, "Having a bad day, huh? I'll tell you what. If you make love to me ten times in a row without stopping, I'll bring everyone back to life. But if you don't, I will kill you." He tries to do it, but doesn't make it. She kills him. Then the second son wakes up and after seeing his dead parents, also goes to the river where he sees his dead brother. The same mermaid swims up and tells him what she told his brother. He asks, "If I make love to you 20 times, what will you do?" She tells him, "If you are able to perform 20 times in a row, I will bring everyone back and make you the richest man alive." He then asks, "Well if I do it 20 times in a row, what's stopping you from dying? That's what happened to the cow."

What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.

Nipples sex jokes: Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears. I had sex with an 21 year old woman.


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