Q: Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A: They have cotton balls.
Grandmother is so stupid, she’s gone on the pill because she doesn’t want any more grandchildren.
How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom?
Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him.
‘Hello,’ he says.
‘Do you speak English?’
‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman.
‘How much?’ asks the man.
The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex?
Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Question master: ‘In the Garden of Eden, what were the first words Eve said to Adam?’
Contestant: ‘Gosh, that’s a hard one!’
Question master: ‘Well done. Two points.’
What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$.
He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally.
As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!"
Sally scoots out of the room.
Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again.
"What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!"
Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
A young couple get between the sheets for the first time.
In a flash it’s over.
The boy says, ‘If I’d known you were a virgin I’d have taken more time.’
His girlfriend replies, ‘If I’d known you were going to take more time I’d have taken off my tights.’
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin?
A: Relative humidity.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, when yo' daddy suggested doggie style, she laid down and licked her balls.