Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher?
They both got fired.
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
A: There are twenty of them.
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
Yo mama is so stupid, she did her dad last night.
My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.