Dick jokes

There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times."

 

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and get lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented, but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives. The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'll shoot your dick off!" the prince says.
"I'm a fireman," the second guy says.
"Then we'll burn your cock off!" says the prince.
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

 

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, "Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air." The other says, "Sorry, I just burped."

 

A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers."

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "If you can make that horse over there laugh, you can get free drinks for the rest of the night." The man walks over, says something to the horse, it laughs, and he walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks. The next night, the man goes back to the bar and the bartender asks the man if he can make the horse cry. The man walks over, does something to the horse, and it starts to cry. The bartender asks, "How did you make it cry?" The man replies, "Well, to make the horse laugh last night I told it I had a bigger dick and to make it cry tonight I showed it."

 

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? The man.

 

What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

 

What do you call a guy with a small dick? Just-in!

 

What do you call a guy with a giant dick? Phil!

 

What did the O say to the Q? Dude, your dick’s hanging out.

 

What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.

 

What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!

 

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

 

What is the difference between a joke and 3 dicks? Your mom can't take a joke.

 

There are hundred holes in in my wife's body; one of them is filled by my dick and the 99 others has been filled by money.

 


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