When m'y girlfriend said let's not bother and do nothing this year for valentine's day
I agreed and realised way later that included sex
I gave my wife the scales for the St. Valentine's day
She gave me a ruler.
It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date.
They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start.
The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand.
Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound.
The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"
I’m about to eat you like a box of Valentine’s Day chocolates.
This holiday may be named after a saint, but nothing I’m going to do to you tonight is church-sanctioned.
A rich man and his butler discuss what they’re getting their wives for Valentine’s Day
The butler asks the rich man, “what are you getting your wife?”
What do you give a ghost on Valentine’s Day?
A booquet of roses.
What kind of chocolate do you get a snake for Valentine's Day?
Hershey's Hiss
Finding love on valentine's day
Is the equivalent to finding santa at Christmas
My wife told me not to get her anything for Valentine's day and I didn't ....
..... and she's so proud of me, she's taking me out for a walk in the woods. Don't know what the pistol and the shovel are for though.
M: Nowhere, I don't take married women to dinner, ever.
W: But I'm your wife!
M: NO EXCEPTIONS !!!
I spent Valentine's Day the old fashioned way
Running around in a diaper shooting arrows at people
I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Forget-me-nuts.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day.
As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision.
After careful consideration, he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves.
Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves.
His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time.
The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up.
The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties.
The young man mailed his Valentine's Day gift with the following note:
"This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.
These are a lovely shade, the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely."
Valentines day sex jokes video