When m'y girlfriend said let's not bother and do nothing this year for valentine's day
I agreed and realised way later that included sex
I gave my wife the scales for the St. Valentine's day
She gave me a ruler.

It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date.  
They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start.
The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand.  
Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound.
The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"