Dirty Christmas jokes
Q: What's Santa's safe sex tip?
A: Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the gates of heaven. "In honor of this holy season," he said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
"Santa Clause is cuming to town."
"I want to eat your milk and cookies."
"Show me those sugar plums."
"Deck my balls."
How is Christmas just like any other day at the office?
You do a bunch of work and some guy in a suit gets all the credit.
What’s the most disappointing thing for a lover on Christmas morning?
When they get a sweater, but they’re hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
Why are Christmas trees better than men?
Even the small ones give satisfaction.
What does Mrs. Claus get when she wears tight pants?
A Mistletoe.
That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!
Let me help you out of that ugly sweater.
That Christmas tree isn’t the only thing that’s going to have an angel on top of it.
I might be a Grinch, but that just means I’ve got something that’ll grow three sizes.
When you want them to know they sleigh:
Are you Rudolph’s red nose? Because baby, I would say you glow.
Aren't you supposed to be on top of that tree? Because you’re a star.
If you were a tree, you'd be an evergreen because I bet you look this good year-round.
Call me Rudolph because you just sleighed me.
Even Santa doesn’t make candy as sweet as you.
I was going to warm my hands by the fireplace but you’re much hotter.
You’re not just a gift, you’re the whole package.
"You're on the naughty list this year."
"I have a big present for you."
"Show me your North Pole."
"Walking in an orgasm wonderland."
"Tis the season to be horny."
Why do elves laugh when they run?
Because the snow tickles their balls.
Why does Mrs. Claus always pray for a white Christmas?
Cause she’s married to a guy who comes once a year.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?
Santa was smart enough to stop at three hos.
What happened when Mr. and Mrs. Claus got randy beneath the Christmas tree?
She came down with tinselitis!
Dirty Christmas Sex Jokes: What's Santa's safe sex tip? That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you! How is Christmas just like any other day at the office?