Going back to our original scenario between Sarah and Jack, for a man who liked to joke about his clothes and had never said that comments about it bothered him, Sarah’s comment might have seemed funny or even endearing to him. In that case, it would not have been abusive. It was abusive because Sarah knew he was already anxious about attending the event and that her comments regarding his clothing always made him feel worse. Jack had already expressed to her that he didn’t like those kinds of jokes. He also revealed that her off-hand comments about his clothes often ruined his ability to enjoy whatever event he had dressed up for, which is a typical result of abusive joking: long-term shame.