Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought."
Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St. Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day.
"What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
An evening of Valentine's Day.
A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!"
"Sorry, we are sold out..."
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
"Are you up for a little row-mance?"
What is a vampire's sweetheart called? His ghoul-friend.
"If you step on a purple mushroom, you'll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world," warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn't step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: "We have to marry."
"Why?" asked the man, smiling.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn't fancy. The reception, however, was excellent.
It made him wed his plants!
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day? "A hug and a quiche!"
What do you call a very small valentine? "A valentiny!"
What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.
How would you name a woman who goes out with you? Desperate!