What do single people call Valentine’s Day? Happy Independence Day!
To all the ladies and gents who aren't getting the V or the D in Valentine's day
Happy Alentine's Ay
My wife told me "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace"
So I got her nothing.
Happy Valentine's Day
The Restaurant offers 25% discount for men who show up with their wife, 20% discount for men who show up with their girlfriend on Valentine's Day.
It's on the house for anyone who show up with both.
To all you beautiful girls, Happy Valentine's Day!
To all your fat girls, chin up, it's Pancake Day next week!
What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?
Q: What do single people call Valentine's Day?
A: Happy Independence Day!
Its Valentines Day…If u r married go & kiss your wife or husband , if u have a gfbf ..do the same ..n if u r single, kiss the ground and thank GOD !! =)). HAPPY VALENTINES DAY
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine’s Day! So I got drunk…
What did you get your girlfriend for Valentine's day?
A T-shirt and a vibrator. If she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!
If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember...
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
Tonight, you’re going to need a safe word, and the safe word is "be mine."
I want to see you with nothing but a “heart on.”
Have you guys heard Radiohead is releasing a Valentine's Day album?
It's called OK Cupid.
“I hate Valentine’s Day”
Why’s that?
“So she can wear her diamond earrings while driving her Range...
I finally got someone to be my valentine!
I wish I could post this in any other sub.
What's the difference between singles and eggs on Valentine's day?
The eggs get laid!
For Valentine's Day I was woken up with an awesome BJ!
If only I could be posting this in any other forum.
My Valentine's day night
My wife came home and looked at me. She tells me totake off her blouse, so I did. Now take off my bra, so I did. Now, take off my pants and panties. I did that as well.
A man and a woman on Valentine's day :
W: Where are you taking me to dinner tonight?
M: Nowhere, I don't take married women to dinner, ever.
W: But I'm your wife!
M: NO EXCEPTIONS !!!
My wife asked for a spa day for Valentine's
I can't wait till she opens it and I tell her it's pronounced spade
On Valentine’s Day I came home with a dozen roses for my wife. She looked at me and said “so I guess you want me to spread my legs now?”
"No, not really, it was from his cell mate. "
My friends always ask me what I got my significant other for Valentine's Day...
Each year I tell them I got myself a nice new pair of gloves.
Had a great Valentine's Day! Almost had a threesome!
Just needed two more people!
I made breakfast in bed for my girlfriend on Valentine's day?
It was a hearty meal
A Valentine's day haiku for you all....
Love is in the air,
So is coronavirus,
Wash your fucking hands.
I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.
They're both about candy and being something you're not.
Having your period on Valentine's day
Is a pain in the ass
My boyfriend is getting me a dildo cast from his own penis for Valentine's day...
We're only doing small gifts this year.
My Valentine's day night
My wife came home and looked at me. She tells me totake off her blouse, so I did. Now take off my bra, so I did. Now, take off my pants and panties. I did that as well.
What did Pinocchio's girlfriend tell him on Valentine's Day?
Get down there and lie to me!
If you are not in love on Valentine's Day, don't worry.
You don't have to be dead on Halloween, either.
Why do necrophiliacs like Valentine's Day more than most people?
The flowers have already been delivered.
A man is going to buy flowers for his wife on Valentine's Day
There is one other man with him who he starts talking to. "It's so dumb you have to spend so much money on something that is just going to die" the other man said. "Yeah, and it's a real shame you have to buy them flowers" he replied.