I’m not going as a ghost this year, but you can still get under my sheets.
Q: What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist?
A: He got repossessed.
Q: Why don’t witches have babies?
A: Their husbands have crystal balls.
Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.
Q: What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game?
A: Tibial Pursuit.
Q: Why do skeletons make good comedians?
A: They are two humerus.
Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they like to eat the fingers separately.
Q: Why are pumpkins better than men?
A: Every year you get a fresh crop to choose from.
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
A: Veinilla.
Q: What is Dracula’s pornstar name?
A: Vlad the Impaler
Q: How did the woman learn her boyfriend was a vampire?
A: He only came at night and would insist on giving oral the same time every month.
Q: Why do the witches hate hanging out with the headless horseman?
A: He’s obsessed with getting head.
1900: Dracula survived by drinking the blood of virgins.
2022: Dracula dies of hunger.
Q: Do you want to invest in my startup company to destroy all vampires?
A: I’m the main stakeholder.
Q: What’s the name of the Democratic skeleton from Brooklyn, New York who’s running for president?
A: Bony Sanders.
Q: What’s the Cause of Death when the gigantic prize winning pumpkin crushed a man to death?
A: He was gourd to death.
Q: What do Dracula’s girlfriend and a professional boxer have in common?
A: They both go down for The Count.
Q: What’s the most popular dating app for skeletons in 2021?
A: The Bone Zone.